


Dutch Courage

by Intangibel (duskbutterfly)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Idiots in Love, Jace needs liquid courage, Jace sobers up first, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Safe Sane and Consensual, Tumblr Prompts, admission of feelings, jimon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 23:04:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10559206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duskbutterfly/pseuds/Intangibel
Summary: Simon's had the worst day ever so when he gets home all he can think about it is the oblivion of sleep. Which is why it's such a massive surprise when he flops onto his bed and realises he's not alone."Simon’s face is flaming, not quite sure where to look. Because what the hell are you supposed to do when the friend you’ve had an unrequited crush on forever is laid out like some kind of fantasy on your bed and you’re already half undressed?"Tumblr Prompt: Jimon + "Are you drunk?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a tiny (short) ficlet based on an Anon prompt Jimon & "Are you Drunk" but, I'm incapable of short at the moment it seems. So here we are Anon, my gift to you.  
> Thanks, as always to my wonderful beta @LadyMatt (although any mistakes in the last section are completely my fault because inspiration hit and I completely changed it)

When Simon gets back to his apartment after what is possibly the longest day of his entire life, he’s focused on just one thing. Literally, all he can think about is how amazing it will feel to lie down. He dumps his bag and kicks off his shoes at the door, the way he always does when he’s tired and he just can’t deal with the day even for a moment longer.  He doesn’t bother turning on any lights, relying on autopilot to prevent him crashing into any of his furniture. He starts emptying his pockets as his walking to his bedroom, piling his phone, wallet, keys and glasses in a haphazard mess on his bedside table as soon as he’s close enough. He’ll deal with everything later, right now all he can think about is closing his eyes. His motions are automatic as he shrugs out of his jacket, strips off his shirt, unsnaps his jeans and flops face down onto his bed.

Which is why it’s such a massive surprise when instead of landing on the cool cotton of his Star Wars bedspread and sinking into his soft, memory foam topped mattress he lands on something warm and hard. Something that moves under him and groans.

“What the fuck?” Simon swears, jerking back as though he’d been stung and scrambling back to find the switch for the lamp on his bedside table.

“You didn’t say ‘Honey, I’m home’,” a deep voice teases, as a calloused hand reaches out for him, “just too eager to get into bed with me?”

The voice is rough as though from sleep or lack of use but Simon would know it anywhere. It’s too late now to realise he’d rather have this conversation in the dark, his finger has already hit the switch. The light flares and sure enough, it’s Jace who’s spread out across his bed wearing only his boxers. Simon’s face is flaming, not quite sure where to look. Because what the hell are you supposed to do when the friend you’ve had an unrequited crush on forever is laid out like some kind of fantasy on your bed and you’re already half undressed?

“This is a nightmare, right? Like that one where you're at school suddenly you're naked,” Simon says with a shrill laugh, scrambling off his bed. His eyes dart back to Jace’s face but he forces them away again, trying not to get lost in how soft and gorgeous he looks like he's only just woken up. 

“More like a wet dream, babe, if you come back to bed,” Jace says with that smug smile of his that Simon wants to kiss right off his face. 

“Okay. Joke’s over, Jace. I get it, you know I like you,” Simon says with a sigh, grabbing the shirt at his feet and pulling it over his head. It’s only once it’s on he realises it must be Jace’s. Because, fuck, it smells amazing. Simon closes his eyes and prays for strength, he just wants to bury his face in it and not deal with this twisted reality he’s in right now. 

“You look hot wearing my clothes, Si, but you look even hotter out of them,” Jace’s voice is like liquid sin but this time, with his eyes closed, he hears it. His words are slightly slurred. Opening his eyes Simon can see it too, Jace is never this relaxed, he almost looks-

“Are you drunk?” Simon blurts out, suddenly furious when Jace smiles and nods like this is some kind of game. Like it isn’t tearing Simon’s heart out, being so close yet so far from what he wants. This time when he speaks he’s practically yelling at him, “Why are you here, Jace? Why, if you had to get blind drunk, which you never do by the way, couldn’t you go bug Magnus and Alec? You live with them, after all.”

Jace has the decency to blush this time, seemingly jarred back into some semblance of reality by just how not okay Simon is with all of this. Suddenly, Jace won’t meet his eyes anymore and he’d almost feel sorry for him but it’s been the longest, shittest day and he can’t take this. 

“You don’t get dutch courage from drinking water,” Jace mutters, still not looking at Simon, his fingers picking at the bedspread.

“Wha- why would you need courage?” Simon asks crossing his arms across his chest, trying not to let this uncharacteristic vulnerability get to him. “To play this prank? You’ve never needed courage for that before. So again, why not go to Alec?” 

“Because I don’t have anything to tell Alec that he doesn’t already know,” Jace said more fiercely this time, a muscle in his jaw working, “Because I’m not in love with Alec, I’m in love with  **you** .”

“You’re what?” Simon asked weakly, feeling like someone had just turned his world upside down. Because this  **_can’t_ ** be real. 

“I. Love. You. Simon.” Jace says slowly, as though it’s Simon who’s drunk and failing to make any sense.

‘THIS ISN’T REAL!’ his mind screams at him, his walls slamming fiercely into place. He’s still waiting for someone to jump out with a camera and yell, ‘PUNK’D!’ because that’s the only version of this that makes sense.

“You got blind drunk, decided to break into my apartment to spread yourself out on my bed half naked because you wanted to tell me you - love me? You really expect me to believe that? Do you think I’m that dumb?” Simon asks incredulously, not sure if he wants to laugh or cry, as his mind bends at the sheer crazy improbability of this situation. Jace finally saying what he desperately wants to hear.

“Yes! No! Wait - I-I mean it. That I love you. It’s not just because I’m drunk. I thought, shit!” Jace stops, running an unsteady hand through his hair, his voice shaking slightly when he continues, “I thought with - everything - that you felt the same way…”

Simon swallows hard as Jace looks up at him, almost like he’s pleading with him, “Don’t you feel anything for me? Did I wait too long?”

It’s his desperation that finally breaks through the haze of fear and unreality that seems to have frozen Simon in place. 

“Jace, I-” Simon’s not even sure where to start. Because he loves this reckless, stupid, gorgeous man but he’s had to hide and deny it for so long. Suddenly he’s moving, sitting on his bed and reaching out for Jace whose fingers are threading through his. A simple tug and Jace is crawling, shuffling closer. All he does is smile at him and he’s climbing right onto Simon’s lap and he can finally wrap his arms around him. He can finally know what it feels like to be surrounded by Jace, to have that incredible body pressed up against his, the way he’s only ever dreamed about before. 

“You’re not too late,” Simon whispers, hiding his face in the crook of Jace’s neck, “I - I tried so hard to stop but, I’m still in love with you.”

Simon shivers as he feels Jace’s lips pressing into his neck, dropping butterfly kisses everywhere he can reach as he tugs him impossibly closer. He feels Jace’s breath against his skin but it takes a few moments for his brain to translate that into words, into his name, said over and over like some kind of prayer or blessing. 

Simon’s not sure how long they stay like that, clinging to one another because they finally can. Because, for once, this isn’t a dream. The feeling of Jace’s fingers carding through his hair almost has him moaning aloud, so when he uses his hold to pull Simon’s head back, repositioning him so that he can finally claim his mouth, Simon want’s nothing more than to give in to that temptation. But in that last moment of sharing breath, the smell of alcohol breaks that spell and Simon pulls back. 

“We should wait,” Simon says, his fingers coming up to gently halt Jace’s questing lips. “It - we shouldn’t start like this. I can’t - you’re drunk, Jace, I’d be taking advantage of you.”

“Siiiimon!” Even as Jace is shaking his head, trying to convince him it’s okay, Simon’s resolve is strengthening. 

“No, Jace. If this - me - is what you really want, it’ll still be there tomorrow. I’ll still be here tomorrow. Okay?” Simon said, gently disentangling himself from Jace. 

“At least let me stay,” Jace practically begs and Simon can’t quite bring himself to kick him out, not when it must be past midnight by now.

“Fine,” Simon relents, getting off his bed to rummage in his drawers for two sets of pyjama pants and another shirt for Jace because Simon’s not taking the one he’s wearing off, possibly not ever. “You can stay, but we’re just sleeping and you’re putting clothes on. You’re going to feel like hell tomorrow, by the way, when that hangover hits.” 

It’s strangely intimate getting ready for bed, plugging Jace’s phone in next to his and seeing the spare new toothbrush he found in his medicine cabinet sitting on the bathroom counter out of its packet, drying next to his. He keeps expecting it to get awkward, but it kind of just feels right, having him here. That familiar banter they’ve always had coming back as they take turns brushing teeth and changing. Simon expects there to be some kind of tussle over who gets which side of the bed, or trying to convince Jace to stay on his side, but maybe the alcohol induced courage is finally starting to wear off or maybe it’s just the fact this is so completely new, for both of them. Jace hangs back, letting Simon go to his normal side furthest from the window, where his phone charger is and is quiet while they both shift around trying to get comfortable, leaving plenty of distance between them. So quiet that Simon starts thinking he’s having second thoughts and might be gone by the time he wakes up in the morning. 

“I can’t promise I’ll stay -” Jace pauses and sighs, shifting again and Simon’s heart plummets. He  _ knew _ .  _ God _ , he  _ knew _ this was too good to be true. 

“Don’t freak out if I end up on your side, okay? I tend to - cuddle up to people when I sleep,” Jace says quietly, as though he’s admitting to some dastardly crime.

Simon laughs, he can’t help it. He’s just so fucking relieved and Jace is literally the least cuddly person, besides Alec, that Simon knows. 

“It’s not my fault, I’m asleep,” Jace mutters and Simon finally manages to calm down enough to stop laughing - mostly.

“I think I can cope with that. Goodnight, Jace.”

“Goodnight, Simon, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Simon thinks he’ll be awake half the night with the torture of knowing Jace is so close but actually, the sound of his deep, even breaths are like a lullaby and he can feel himself being dragged down, deep into sleep. 

 

..:..:..:.

 

Simon’s not sure what it is that pulled him out of deep sleep into this fuzzy, half-awake state but he’s so warm - almost like he’s been wrapped in some kind of cocoon of heat. 

He tries to blink his eyes open to figure out why but he is so warm and comfortable and sleep is drawing him back under…until he feels a warm, gentle breeze on the back of his neck, setting his nerves on edge and he  _ has _ to move. But as he does, edging away and twisting to avoid it, he’s pulled straight back, tucked even closer to the heat he can feel. 

“Not yet. Not time to get up yet,” Jace’s rough, sleepy voice murmurs in his ear, sending shivers down his spine. That helps shake off the heavy weight of sleep and suddenly it’s all coming back to him.

“Can’t let go of - Simon... Doesn’t believe... Have to tell him... Love him.” 

Simon can’t help smiling at those muffled words, realising Jace is still half-asleep, but that he definitely doesn’t seem to have changed his mind. He doesn’t bother trying to figure out what time it is, it’s Saturday, so it’s not like he has anywhere else he needs to be. He just snuggles back into Jace’s embrace and lets sleep reclaim him. 

 

..:..:..:.

 

It's not the first time he's dreamed about Jace’s fingers carding through his hair, but the soft kisses brushed across his hair and pressed into the shorter hair at his temple - that's new. He's never thought of Jace as being this soft or gentle before. Cocky, confident, loving - absolutely, but this exploration seems hesitant, almost shy. 

“Jace,” Simon moaned, trying to get closer to him, wanting those lips pressed to his skin not just his hair. 

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

Simon almost whimpers, Jace’s voice is rough and deep and it's the hottest thing he's ever heard. Especially when he feels Jace shifting back, his strong hands turning him gently so they're facing one another.

“Open your eyes, Simon,” Jace whispers and Simon shakes his head burrowing in closer, not wanting the dream to end, not wanting to wake up alone.

“I'm here, Simon, this isn't a dream.” Jace's voice says with a hint of laughter, as though he’s spoken those thoughts aloud.

“It's always a dream. You don't like me. Not like that,” Simon mutters, screwing his eyes closed and tightening his hold.

“You're awake Simon,” Jace says again, tugging gently on his hair, “you just need to open your eyes so you can see me.”

Deciding this dream has taken a seriously cruel turn by trying to force him to wake up, Simon slowly risks opening just one eye. Everything's blurry but it looks like, maybe? It seems hopeful at least. Sighing, he blinks both eyes, trying to force them to focus without his glasses. When they finally do, Simon stares open mouthed in shock because Jace really is there, smiling down at him. 

“I take it you dream of me often, Si?” Jace asks teasingly, “you wouldn't be alone if you did.”

“Why, because you dream of yourself too?” Simon asks petulantly, still not quite trusting this sudden change.

“No, you idiot,” Jace said shaking his head with barely contained laughter, “I dream about  _ you _ .” 

“Oh.” And just like that, the doubts creep back in. Does he? Really? Since when? Because even though there have been times he's caught Jace looking at him when he thinks he can't see him, or where it felt a hell of a lot like that remark was meant for him - there are a hell of a lot more times when he's sure Jace hates him and would literally rather be with any other person on Earth.  

“Oh? You're killing me here, Si, can you at least like pretend that's a good thing? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the fact you haven't kicked me out yet means I didn't dream you saying you-”

“Why me? Why now?” Simon blurs out, stopping him repeating the words that were so much easier to press into his skin when he’d known there was a chance he wouldn’t remember it clearly. Simon doesn’t want to talk about  _ his _ feelings, he  _ knows _ how he feels. 

“I can’t - I couldn’t cope with being one of your flings, Jace,” Simon says feeling his anxiety rising to a crescendo as Jace pauses. Trying to regain some kind of composure as the silence stretches he removes his hands, starting to pull back. “Either it’s real and this is the start of us being together in a proper relationship or it’s nothing and we walk away now, while we still can.” 

But Jace’s hands tighten on his shoulders, his words determined despite the fear on his face, “It is. It is real. I want this. I want you. I think I always have, since that first ridiculous moment when you called me Captain America and got your own name backwards when you tried to introduce yourself to Izzy.” 

Simon felt like he’d been hit by a train. Jace had felt it, too? Way back in those first moments when Simon had realised this entire family were gorgeous and so far out of his league they may as well live on Pluto. He opened his mouth, trying to find words but for once nothing came. He couldn’t speak and that’s something that had literally never happened to him before. But then Jace was speaking again and it was all he could do just to keep breathing. 

“I wanted to hate you because I didn’t expect it if I avoided you it was because I didn’t know what to do with that raw attraction. It was so much easier to snipe at you than admit that despite everything I thought I knew about myself, I wanted to know what your lips felt like under mine. I wanted to watch the movies you never shut up about, I wanted to be that person you’d drive across town at 3 am to pick up, just because it’s raining. I wanted to be good enough for you. Not just some guy whose relationship history reads like the call log from one of those agencies that are trying to do opinion polls - all of these names but none the recur, none that last more than the time it takes to get what they need and then they’re gone again. You made me see how empty my life had become, made me question what I thought I wanted - that scared me, you scared me. So no, Simon, I don’t want to be a fling to you. I’m terrified you’ll realise I’m not worth it, but I’ll stay for as long as you’ll have me. I’ve been in love with you for months and I haven’t stopped falling yet.” 

It was too much. Jace was literally blowing his mind and he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Just shut up and kiss me,” Simon says, barely recognising his own voice as his hand fists into Jace’s shirt. 

“Your wish is my command,” Jace whispers as he closes the distance. 

Simon wants to scoff because that’s so cliche but the look in his multi coloured eyes is so tender like it isn’t just some line and he wants to try to figure it out but he can’t. Not with Jace’s hot breath on his lips. He can’t think, can’t breathe as time seem to slow like someone’s hit slo-mo and he’s watching his life at 250 frames per second. Watching Jace’s mouth get ever closer to his own. But suddenly, finally, Jace’s lips are on his and he feels the hot press of Jace’s tongue darting out to taste. It shouldn’t affect him that much but it’s like putting a match to gasoline, the flare of heat is immediate and all consuming. 

It’s better than he could possibly have imagined, the almost desperate press of Jace’s lips, like he too needs this more than air. The feel of his strong hands digging into the muscles of his back, like an anchor in a storm, keeping them pressed firmly together from chest to knees. The sounds they’re making, the breathless, low moans and whimpers as they move against one another - fuck that’s hot. He’s given up trying to figure out which ones are his, all he knows is how much he wants this, how much he needs this. That strangled groan, when Jace pulls back just enough for them each to drag in gasping breaths, is definitely his. Jace looks thoroughly wrecked. His normally perfect hair has been mussed by Simon’s questing fingers, his lips swollen and his pupils are blown so wide it’s hard to see the point where the hazel and blue mix. His tongue slips out, trying to reclaim the taste of Jace that’s fading too quickly from his mouth and it’s like a red flag to a bull. Jace is flipping them, pressing Simon down into the mattress as his mouth latches onto his throat. Pressing wet open mouthed kisses, sucking on that point just below his ear until Simon is writhing beneath him, desperate and begging. He’s not even sure what he’s begging for, it’s bliss and torture and it just might kill him but fuck, what a way to go. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can also come chat to me on Tumblr [Intangibel](http://intangibel.tumblr.com)


End file.
